Beyond Hope By: Ashley N. Brankovic

    Tijana was standing in the lengthy line outside of school waiting for class to start.  The sky was perfectly clear and blue and the sun gleamed over the tall building while the shadow behind her stood alone.  The warm breeze gently brushed through her shiny hair.  It was late May, the beginning of a new school year with everything out of the ordinary for her: language, friends and environment.  She entered the building, and walked through the hallway, nervously lost.  She gazed at the blurred area around her. Students stared at her while they strolled to their classrooms.  With most of the attention on her, she wanted to be out of sight.  For the first time in her life, she wished to be invisible.  A majority of the students revealed their lack of respect towards her; she was condescended and looked down on.  “How could these people be so cold-blooded?  I was expecting to be treated like a guest,” she thought.
    She walked towards the classrooms and followed a few of the students that were in her group at the class meeting the day before.  She figured that she might have the first period with them.  So, she entered the grimy classroom, picked a desk to sit at and took out a spiral notebook along with a mechanical pencil.  She looked at her surroundings; there were approximately twenty students in the classroom with her, two sat at each desk.  While the room was quite large, she felt claustrophobic.
    Being in a diverse community with hundreds of people she didn’t know, gave her an uncomfortable and awkward feeling.  “What if her peers thought she was insecure?”  She felt self-conscious, only because she looked different from the rest of the students.  She had tanned skin, deep brown eyes, and beautiful waved brown hair.  She used to come across to some people as 9 year old, but this time, she gave the posture of the smart 11year old that she was.
    “Zdravo.”  A girl said sitting down next to her.
    “Hi.”  Tijana said shyly giving her a timid smile.
For some odd reason, she felt like she’d known her.  This girl was pretty tall; her pale skin and dark hair made her stand out.  Something about her trapped an image into Tijana’s head of a cute little youngster she once knew.
“Do you remember me?”  She asked with a European accent.
    “Umm, not quite, but you do look familiar.”
    “I’m Sashka, we used to be friends when we were little girls.”
    “Wow, really?”  She said with a naive look on her face, “I thought I recognized you. I’m Megan, just incase you forgot.”
    Oh, no, I remember.”  She smiled.
    She seemed polite.  So far, Tijana had already liked her.  Just the fact that Sashka spoke in English gave her such a relief; it edged off most of the tension that rested on her shoulders.  Thank god somebody at least speaks English!
    “Do you mind if I ask, how you like our school so far?”  Sashka questioned.
    “Well, as you might know, this school is pretty dirty and a bit poor.  But it is a big change for me, quite an experience actually, despite the fact that people are so patronizing.”  She explained narrowing her eyes.
    “Yes, our school isn’t thriving, but we do have a few good qualities.”  She smiled.  Tijana was awed by the idea, but managed to focus on the teacher who was having a debate with the students about chronological historic events.  Finally, the bell rang.
It was lunch break, every student who wanted to have lunch had to pay a monthly fee of 350 dinars, which was about 7 American dollars.  She wasn’t familiar with that; the teachers and staff only spoke Serbian to the students at the meeting the day before.  Time slowly went by as she attended all of her classes that day.
    She felt the heavy weight lift off of her chest; school was finally dismissed.  Her day went by dreadfully sluggish; it was a long surreal blur.  She let loose a great big sigh then smiled, immediately leaving the classroom with a huge lump in throat. She felt like crying, only because she was out of place.
She met up with one of her old friends by the railing outside of the school.  Her name is Jelena. They decided that since they lived less than a block away from each other, they would walk together everyday to and from school.  Jelena wasn’t quite a bilingual being, though she understood how Tijana felt; having to deal with the confusion of making a new life and friends in a different country.  They spoke to each other in Serbian cluttered with English.  The thing they had in common was that fluency wasn’t their greatest aptitude. 
    As the girls walked through the small city of giant buildings, the aroma of a bakery hit them; smelling like fresh bread mixed with a scent of a foreign perfume.  Since they both hadn’t eaten lunch, they stopped at the bakery to buy a kifla and a yogurt.  She thought that Europe had the best bakeries.  The girls sauntered home pleasantly nibbling on their snacks.  They had a little chat about how their first day of school went.
    They girls both agreed that it was pretty decent although Tijana came up with a lie that was fairly reasonable.  Things for her were tough.  She barely knew the language and only knew a few people in school liked her.  Almost the entire class stared at her throughout the day making her feel uncomfortable.  She could now imagine what it was like to be the victim of chauvinism.  They called her the “Americansi” and made fun of her because she was a Native from Alaska.  She was worn out, she felt as if she lost half of her soul.
    When Tijana arrived at the gate by her house.  She said goodbye to Jelena and told her to call her later that day.  When she walked inside, she heard her parents arguing, which clouded up her mind even more.  Instantaneously, she went in her room, plopped herself on her bed and forcefully buried her face in her pillow.  Her parents yelled back and forth at each other, not caring whether she heard them or not.  They argued about wanting a divorce; she knew it was coming, with all of the infidelity and treachery they had for each other.  She couldn’t take it anymore, she felt totally strung out.  Loneliness bit her to the bone, and the enmity of the people around her made her want to scream and shout.  So she lay there and cried, powerless.  All she wanted was to go home, back to Alaska where she truly belonged, where everything felt normal.
    She sat in her room for a few hours; thinking about her situation.  She watched the sun fade, turning the landscape dark and gloomy. Within minutes, the rain began to trickle out the sky.  The weather that day definitely suited her emotions.
    The enduring days became a routine; Tijana was still feeling a bit down, but at least went to school with a little more confidence and dignity.  However, she ended up going home with the same feeling as she did the first day.  Why did she deserve this?  She began to run out of reasons to cry.  At this age, she wasn’t supposed to be put through these sorts of situations.  She didn’t want anyone or anything getting in her way anymore; she wanted to start taking control of what caused her to feel sentimental.  This was the only way for her not to feel dejected and the only way for things not to go downhill.  It was time for change. 
    Tijana walked to school with Jelena, and they stopped at the bakery as usual.  As they headed towards class, a boy and a few of his friends called her names and continuously laughed at her.  Nobody seemed to realize how people made her feel; she was practically being brutally butchered.  This time, she didn’t let it go.  She stood up for herself and told them that she wasn’t only a Native Alaskan. 
“I’m a Serbian just like you.  You’re not any better than me so back off!”  She shouted.
“Dang Tijana, you did good, and it’s true, they’re not any better than you.  You’re unique.” Jelena smiled.  She would never forget about the girl who stood up for herself.
    The people around them just stood there, who were shocked about what they have just witnessed.  There was satisfaction in her arousal and she felt motivated to change.  Tijana had felt that she’d given the boy and his friends a morality lesson on equality. Throughout the whole day in school, she felt good about what she did.  From now on, she didn’t want anyone to make her feel unworthy again.